Chapter 13 - Relationships with Friends

Relationships with Friends

Friendship - "A voluntary relationship characterized by intimacy and liking." (Ch. 13, Pg. 335)

Friendship Rules - "General principles for appropriate communication and behavior within friendships."  (Ch. 13, Pg. 366)

I consider myself to have amazing friendships, so much so that even though my friend group has for the most part moved from each other. I tend to find enough out of these relationships I don't need new friendships, but I'm still always open to new friends.

My friends are all a part of a group, we all met in Caroline County, grew up together, and consider each other family. My friend's names are Kentrell, Aiden, Rahim, Josh, Jay, RJ, Cadell, Brendon, Devonne, Isiah, Hayden, Jack, Nick, Chris B, Chris W, Kennedy, Mandy, Justin, and Hassanatou. 

I never knew about the 10 friendship rules until this class. We all follow those rules effortlessly and share common interests, and humor.

 I would say Rule #1, Show Support, is the rule we use the most. We all grew up together, so we all know each other's families and know what everyone is going through. Naturally, we all show support to the best of our abilities. 

Having such a big but close group of friends is amazing, we all get together and do things. There's nothing but love between us, of course, we fight and argue, but doesn't every friendship reach that point sooner or later. 

We may have differences but we look past them and it allows all of us to become better for ourselves and each other. 

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Chapter 12 - Relationships with Family Members

Relationships with Family Members

Family - "A network of people who share their lives over long periods of time and are bound by marriage, blood, or commitment" (Ch. 12, Pg. 327)

Laissez-Fair Families - "Families characterized by low levels of conformity and conversation orientation," (Ch. 12, Pg. 336)

I would describe my family as a laissez-fair family. We really don't communicate or conform with each other.

I live in a household where we all do our own things and only come together occasionally. It's like having co-tenets, you all live under the same roof but you all have your own lives. We all, for the most part, have good relationships with each other individually.

My family life could be summed up like this. I wake up get ready, go to school, come home, do homework, and make food. while I'm making food is really the only time I communicate with my family, my mom is usually on the couch, and my dads sitting at his desk. They ask me how my day is, I ask the same and then I go back to my room. I communicate with my sister infrequently too, it just depends if either one of us has something they want to tell the other. We even have a roommate, my mom's best friend's daughter. Her best friend moved to Florida, so she pays rent to live with us. I end up talking to her more than my family most days.

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Chapter 11 - Relationships with Romantic Partners

 Relationships with Romantic Partners

Romantic Relationship - "An interpersonal involvement two people choose to enter into that is perceived as romantic by both" (Ch. 11, Pg. 291) 

Loving - "An intense emotional commitment based on intimacy, caring, and attachment" (Ch. 11, Pg. 289)

I've been in a couple of romantic relationships, although they've never worked out for one reason or the other. I would describe them as loving at first, but they've all ended the same way. I've been ghosted more than I can count at this point, so I really haven't tried too much to begin another one.  

My last serious romantic relationship was really interesting, to say the least. I'm going to refer to this person as C. Me and C started off amazing, we were getting along great. Met each other's parents, talked every day, and even hung out really frequently. 

Around the 4-month mark, C started to act somewhat differently. She began to start responding slower, responding less, calling less, and even making up excuses to not hang out. I thought I was doing something wrong or maybe I was the one acting differently, I was not! 

Me, C, a couple of her and I friends were hanging out one day. I noticed she was hanging out with one of my friends, whom I'm going to refer to as K. I'm very observant when it comes to others' feelings and actions, so when I saw it I knew something was off. While I was there, C decided to ride in Ks' car. So when my best friend Kentrell, not to be confused with K, got in my car I talked to him about it. He said something was definitely up, later that night I talked to Cs' best friend who I was already really close with. She said not to worry about it.

Sadly, Kentrell and I were not crazy and Cs' best friend didn't even know. Turns out K and C had been hanging out behind my back. The craziest thing about it though was I got told about this 4 days before prom and 6 days before my birthday, so it was a great week. So not only was I going through a breakup on my birthday, I was kind of forced to bring this girl to prom.

I believe in love, but I really don't think I'm going to give it a chance for a while. Not to say if It comes around I will just avoid it.

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Chapter 14 - Relationships in the Workplace

Relationships in the Workplace

Workplace Relationships - "Any affiliation you have with a professional peer, supervisor, subordinate, or mentor in a professional setting." 

When in a workplace, relationships are bound to happen. What type of relationship really determines how it influences your workspace and productivity. Work acquaintances should add a nice social aspect, but not obstruct your work detrimentally. Work Friends will make you want to go to work, and make working more plateable, but they could start causing obstructions and distractions which make you less productive. Finally, Romantic work relationships can be manageable but cause serious pitfalls for the individuals involved. If the relationship becomes tainted, toxic, and/or fails, both parties can and/or will experience major obstructions and distractions in the workplace; along with a reluctance to work or stay at the workplace. 

I understand and have experienced why relationships are formed within the workplace. Being placed within a certain set of tasks, a certain number of days a week, and for a certain time period with peers, causes us to communicate and form bonds.

At my current job, platonic relationships are encouraged and rewarded. When a new hire is introduced, we can get free meals, rewards, and paid breaks if we make them feel accepted in the workplace.

I find myself connecting and appreciating the people I work with more because making or having friends in my workplace is not shunned. Surprisingly, this minuscule and rare aspect of my employers improves my motivation to go to work.  I find myself not contemplating ways to depart abruptly or neglecting to work altogether. We're part of what feels like a huge friend group, not just around acquaintances at work. 

Workplace relationships inject qualitative elements into the work environment that can increase engagement, motivation, productivity, and satisfaction; with a balanced platonic relationship.

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Chapter 10 - Managing Conflict and Power

Managing Conflict and Power 

Conflict - "The process that occurs when people perceive that they have incomplete goals or that someone is interfering in their ability to achieve their objectives." (Ch. 10, Pg. 259)

Power - "The ability to influence or control events and people." (Ch. 10, Pg. 240)

Collaboration - " A way of handling conflict by treating it as a mutual problem-solving challenge."                                                                                                                                      (Ch. 10, Pg. 269)

Accommodation - "A way of handling conflict in which one person abandons his or her goals for the goals of another." (Ch.10, Pg. 267) 

When communicating interpersonally, whether verbally and/or nonverbally, encountering conflict is destined. Individually we think, perceive, react, and respond to certain actions, subjects, and emotions differently. Depending on multiple elements and causes of interference, varying degrees of conflict might arise.   

Collaboration is one of the main effective forms of conflict management, allowing depression and resolving said conflict. When collaborating each party comes to an agreement that is suitable for each side, allowing for a cease in conflict. 

I find I have a collaborative and/or accommodating mindset when it comes to conflict; I tend to be very passive in most situations. 

During the summer, my friends Kentrell, Aiden, Brendon, Rahim, and I would hang out nearly daily. The only issue with this was the distance we live from each other due to moving. Kentrell and Aiden live 40 minutes from Caroline, while Brendon, Rahim, and I live in Caroline. 

So Aiden and Kentrell were upset that they had to drive 40 minutes to and back from Caroline nearly every day. This caused conflict on why they had to use so much gas and we didn't. 

So we all collaborated on a solution to their issue, and we picked a dedicated car to use for that day and/or event. Along with cooperative donations of gas money for said person's car.

Because we collaborated we solved the conflict smoothly and quickly and avoid any further issues involving gas.

 

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Chapter 9 - Communicating Nonverbally

 Communicating Nonverbally

Nonverbal Communication - "The intentional or unintentional transmission of meaning through an individual's non-spoken or physical and behavioral cues." (Chapter 9. Pg. 233)

Physical Appearance - "a nonverbal code that represents visual attributes such as body type, clothing, hair, and other physical features." (Chapter 9. Pg. 245)

When communicating with others nonverbal communication is just as important as verbal communication. Nonverbal communication can allow you to see how others are feeling without the use of words. Physical appearance is one of the forms we use to communicate nonverbally, Hair, clothing, media portrayal, etc., all express certain qualities about a specific person. 

The clothes you chose to wear and the way your hair looks can tell a lot about how your day is going and even how your mood is if it's a continuous event. Now I'm not saying that anyone should strive or even believe that either of these qualities determines who you are as a person. But if a person generally maintains these qualities, when they change it can say a lot.

You can always tell when I'm having a rough day just based on my hair. My hair will be extremely frizzy, poorly maintained, appear to be less curly, and even greasy sometimes. Along with my hair, my clothing choice for that day will be uncoordinated and/or lack any effort. 

During my senior year of High School, I was having hypertension and heart issues that forced me to give up the medications I take daily. This doesn't seem like a terrible issue but for me, it was. I've been blessed with severe chemical imbalances within my brain. I have a deficiency in the neurotransmitters dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin. These chemicals all play a role in mood, feelings, emotions, motivation, basically how I live and perceive life.

The disappearance of these meds not only affected my mood daily but also how I was performing in school. These factors took me to a place where I didn't care about anything, I wouldn't take care of my hair, it even died during this period forcing me to restart later. I would just put on whatever clothes were closest and easiest, and my physical appearance diminished. My friends would always ask me if I was okay and check on me, not because they knew what was going on but just because my physical appearance changed drastically towards a carless unmaintained appearance.

Even though I didn't verbally express my feelings, my physical appearance said enough to know something was wrong. 

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Chapter 8 - Communicating Verbally

 Communicating Verbally 

Verbal Communication - "The exchange of spoken or written language with others during interactions" (Chapter 8. Pg. 203)

Verbal communication is an important part of communicating with others. The better we verbally communicate the more relationships we build and the more likely we will communicate effectively. That's why I believe being clear in our communication is one of the most important qualities of good verbal communication. 

 The clarity with which you communicate allows you to better portray what you mean and leaves less room for confusion or interpretation. This doesn't mean being brutally blunt or downright disrespectful though, you can communicate with clarity but still, be respectful and take others' emotions into account while communicating. 

Over the years of communicating with others, I have not been the clearest with what I am saying verbally, often times I would beat around the bush or outright avoid explaining what I meant clearly. No surprise my lack of clarity caught up to me, one of my best friends' mom tragically passed away. In the least disrespectful way possible, she was not the best influence when it came to using substances. So my friends' views on them differ from mine, we were talking about them and he said he was trying to find a way through life to be able to smoke daily and all day. I was trying to be a good friend and persuade him instead of focusing his life around smoking, he should find a way that he can work and still be able to smoke in his free time.

I thought he would respond in a different way than he did, but he said "well, my mom would find a way that she would be able to not only smoke all day but also work a great job". Without any thought on the way I should word my response, I said " just because your mom could and would find a way too, that doesn't mean you should." In my head, I thought I was giving him good advice but I wasn't clear on the fact that I wasn't trying to disrespect his mom. I should've been clearer about how I was just trying to say there are better routes to take than trying to formulate yourself, your career, and your life around smoking.

Verbal clarity is very important while communicating with others, the less clarity you give your words the more room there is for confusion and interpretation. This is not a beneficial quality for good interpersonal communication unless it's intentional. 

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Chapter 7 - Listening Actively

 Listening Actively

Listening is something we all do, whether we want to or not. Listening gives people the feeling of belonging and understanding.

Understanding is "involving interpreting the meaning of another person's communication by comparing newly received information against our past knowledge" is key to making someone feel seen, heard, and recognized" (Chapter 7, Pg. 181)

One thing about listening is you really get to meet some and understand what makes them, them. My friends and I are a very tight-knit group, all meeting each other very early in life, between 1st and 3rd grade with a couple additions in 7th grade. So we've all been there for each other through a lot and we really understand each other's tendencies and actions based on our feelings. 

Recently one of my friend's mom passed away tragically, due to septic shock. Listening to their feelings and watching their actions has really helped them out through this tragic time. They feel like we're family at this point and we truly understand what they are going through. 

When you listen and understand someone or a group of your closest friends, It can feel like you or them are wanted and accepted. 

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Chapter 4 - Experiencing and Expressing Emotions

 Experiencing and Expressing Emotions

Emotion is an "intense reaction to an event that involves interpreting event meaning, becoming physiologically aroused, labeling the experience as emotional, managing reactions, and communicating through emotional displays and disclosures." (Chapter 4, Pg. 94)

Emotions express how we're feeling ("short-term emotional reactions to events that generate only limited arousal" - Chapter 4, Pg. 94) and our moods ("An intense reaction to an event" - Chapter 4, Pg. 94). 

I've never been good at expressing my emotions, feelings, or moods. Since a kid, I've always felt that there's no need to express my emotions as I've got better things to do than feel any certain way other than doing what is needed. Whether that be school, work, activities, etc., as I've grown up I realized it's not healthy to repress these emotions. It always leads to feelings of doubt, lack of motivation, and an overall decrease in the quality of living. 

My way of expressing these emotions has not always been healthy as I've never really developed an outlet for them. I tend to go through phases of how I'm feeling because I will find an outlet that makes me happy, so I will hyper-focus on them. One of the worst outlets I hyper-focused on was during the Covid summer and school year. I had been very overweight my whole life, I loved to just eat all day and play video games and just didn't care about what people thought of me. I meet someone who wanted to be my friend but was ashamed to be seen with me as I was so big. This friend ended up leaving and putting me in a terrible mood, some say I was downright depressed. 

I found a new outlet for this mood, I started to not eat, and work out daily or more so I could feel good about myself. I quickly started to lose the weight that had brought me so many issues. Within a year I lost 90 pounds, but it didn't fix any issues with my mood. I was still feeling less of myself, I still hadn't excepted myself and that was the issue. 

It's hard to experience and express emotions, they change you whether that be for better or worse. You need a healthy way to express it or you'll find yourself stuck in a loop of wanting to appease others so your emotions never have to factor in what you go through in life. 

Never stop expressing your emotions or you won't be yourself, you'll only be what people want you to be so you don't have to feel anything.

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Chapter 3 - Perception

 Perception 

Perception is the process of selecting, organizing, and interpreting information from our senses.      (Chapter 3, Pg. 64)

I have noticed how my interpretation of the world can vary compared to others, we tend to look at the world through glasses that only we can see out of.

Perception affects how we view others and the world around us. During our class on 2/16/2023, we had a group and class discussion on internal and external attributions. During part two of our group assignment, we had to choose which attribution we would be thinking of for different situations. Due to our different perceptions of the world, we had varying choices and reasons for these choices between each other in these situations. Due to our past experiences, age, trauma, upbringing, friends, and many other factors. 

Our perceptions of the world differ in how we view it and our mindsets toward are environments. Because of these differing views, we also tend to view and react to people, situations, and emotions differently. Perception is not one way so we should always consider and respect how differing views affect interpersonal communication.

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Chapter 6 - Gender

 Gender 

Every one of us is born with anatomical, and biological distinctions, known as our sex (Chapter 6, p. 150). Now sex and gender vary, Sex includes differences in reproductive organs, hormones, and sex chromosomes" (Chapter 6, p. 150). You are assigned your physical sex at birth, Gender however is an identity. As you grow up you might find yourself distinguishing yourself from the assigned sex towards another gender, this is where gender identity comes in. Gender identity is something you define for yourself even if it differs from your assigned physical sex, what gender you identify as is determined by you. Because gender is your own personal choice, not something you are assigned. 

Personally, I grew up in a very lax household. I was never really required by anyone to do or be any I didn't want to be. Of course, for some who don't share this experience, it can sound like heaven, but just like anything it comes with its own sets of ups and down. One down is that I really have no structure in my household, the only way I can describe it is if your family is just your roommates. We all have our own schedules, our own lives, and our own goals but we live together under one roof. Now a major upside I've got to experience because of my household is, my parents, they let me solely choose whoever I want to be. 

What I mean by that is they didn't really force any traditions, beliefs, etc. on me or my sister, you could define it as a "permissive authoritative" household (Zeltser Francyne, 2021). Due to the way I was raised, I never experienced any pressure related to my choice of gender identity or anything that defines me as a person. With this complete freedom, I was able to just be myself and figure out who I am. With this lack of pressure, I've defined my gender identity simply as just a male. I personally don't plunge into the many other genders I could identify myself as and prefer the simple aspect of just being male.  

I am really grateful for the perks I was given by my parents' parenting style and how it has allowed me to really explore my self-concept, self-identity, gender identity, and even improved my interpersonal communication. I feel I am genuinely more excepting of others due to my parents, as I might not understand someone's basis for their respective gender identity but I will still respect their choice because I was raised in a way that supported mine.

Now just because I was blessed personally with very lax parents. That doesn't constitute that I'm ignorant of the fact that many people grow up in households unaccepting of gender identity and believe the assigned sex at birth is someone's gender. It saddens me that many of us come from a household that won't accept this concept of identity and are stuck worrying if they can ever show their true selves. Although I didn't experience these struggles I still can empathize with how cruel and diminishing it can be to not be accepted for who you define yourself as. 

Sources 

4 styles of parenting

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Chapter 5 - Culture

Culture

 Culture is defined as, "An established, coherent set of beliefs, attitudes, values, and practices shared by a large group of people" (Chapter 5, p. 124).  Many factors may influence your perception of culture, these factors include your nationality, ethnicity, religion, gender, sexual orientation, physical abilities, and even age (Chapter 5, p. 124). But what makes a culture feel like a "culture" is that it's widely shared. (Chapter 5, p. 124). This is because cultures are learned, communicated, layered, and lived (Chapter 5. p. 124).

Co-Culture

Co-Culture is defined as "Members of a society who don't conform to the dominant culture - by way of language, values, lifestyle, or even physical appearance, they have their own cultures that co-exist within a dominate cultural sphere"  (Chapter 5, p. 125). 

The U.S. is a great example of co-cultures as the U.S. is an amalgamation of many cultures coming together and forming a nation of many different beliefs, values, lifestyles, and physical appearances. The U.S. is a very diverse nation with even some states feeling like their own sub-country within the main country. 

Living in the U.S. has allowed me to experience many different cultures that I might not have elsewhere. Specifically, New York has allowed me access to the diversity of cultures seen in the U.S. My dad's side of the family all resides in Long Island, NY which is only 2 train trips away from the city. Every year my family and I travel to Long Island to visit my relatives and we get to explore the city while we stay there. 

In the city, you can find sections dedicated to co-cultures seen within the U.S. For example Little Italy and China Town. One year when I went to NY, friends of the family who also happen to have relatives in NY came with us. The friends of our family come from Chinese and Dominican descent. When we went to the city during our stay, they introduced me to the activities in China Town during the celebration of Chinese New Year.

I soon found out that during Chinese New Year that China Town residents and business owners would actually hand out gifts to kids to celebrate the new year. These gifts would differ between each person as some would give away food, red envelopes filled with money, and tea. 

Their introduction to these activities is a perfect example of one of the many co-cultures seen within the U.S. During this trip they also allowed me to practice intercultural communication. I loved experiencing Chinese New Year with members of that culture. They also introduced me to soup dumplings which is an amazing dish that I recommend everyone tries!

  

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Chapter 2 - Self

 Self

Self-awareness, Self Concept, and Self Esteem 

Self-Concept is defined as "Beliefs, attitudes, and values you have about yourself." (Chapter 2, p. 32).

Self Concept is a complex concept as we all perceive ourselves differently than how others do, which can lead us to conform to fit in with others or distance ourselves from social aspects altogether.  

We all struggle with self-concept as we want to be ourselves but want to fit in with a group of people. I find that my self-concept is very similar to how others view me even if I have to change certain aspects of how I present myself in certain situations. Knowing this has allowed me to really just be myself and not change much when talking to new people, as I know even if they don't appreciate me my closest friends still will.

Due to this, I tend to not actively look for new friends even if my current friends are not locally around anymore. I would love to find new friends and be accepted by them but I have this underlying consensus that they are not my people and I don't actually want them around. This is why I struggle with self-concept because I have the concept that I do not need to be anyone else as I have already found people that accept me for who I am.

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Chapter 1 - Interpersonal Communication

 Interpersonal Communication

Interpersonal Communication is defined as "A dynamic form of communication between two or more people in which the messages exchanged significantly influence their thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and relationships." (Chapter 1, p. 9). 

I never considered myself someone who needs or wants to communicate with people until I started working. My first job was working for a catering business where we were encouraged to engage with customers and get to know who they are as people, so we are seen as more of guests than a business. 

Having to cater multiple events a week allowed me to flip a switch in my head to become social and communicate with people at these events. Throughout these events it made me realize that not everyone likes or wants to be talked to and they seem to lack communication altogether. 

The deeper I dive into interpersonal communication, the more I realize I am not a part of the group of people who either lack communication or hate it altogether. I love to talk to people even if it's about the most mundane topics, I find enjoyment in interacting with my peers, coworkers, friends, family, etc.

Interpersonal communication is something I look forward to every day, as I feel a day without talking to someone is a day that I'm not myself. Catering events where for the most part everyone there is celebrating a special time in their lives made me realize that communication is more than just talking to someone, it's how you become welcomed into others' worlds.

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